Wounded but Called: Dragging Your Past Into the Fire and Trading Ashes for Beauty

I don’t know who you are on the other side of the screen, but I feel you.

I know what it’s like to carry trauma so heavy it feels like it’s sitting on your chest. I know what it’s like to wonder if healing is even real or if it’s only for other people, not you. I know what it’s like to smile in public but feel like you’re screaming inside. I’ve lived through things that should’ve broken me for good, but God!

I was molested as a child. Those early years of violation planted seeds of shame that bloomed into promiscuity in my teen years. I didn’t know it then, but I was searching for love in places that only left me emptier. Still, God reached into the mess and met me with mercy. He gave me a husband who loves me like Christ loves the church and through that love, God began showing me how He sees me: not as dirty or damaged, but as chosen and cherished.

My biological father was never in my life. I was born from an affair. The rejection ran deep and left behind father wounds I didn’t know how to name. But now, God is re-fathering me. He’s nurturing the little girl inside me who never had her dad, and He’s rewriting what fatherhood means by showing me what it looks like through His eyes.

God is the best girl dad!!

Pain Was Only Part Of My Story

Shame Tried To Silence Me

In 11th grade, my mom attempted suicide. That moment shattered me. I felt like I wasn’t even worth fighting for. I carried the silent burden of I wasn’t good enough, that if I had been better, maybe she wouldn’t have tried to leave. But God…God came for that shame. He came for that condemnation. He reminded me I am not the reason for the choices others make. He is still teaching me who I am in Him⸺restored, redeemed, and radically loved.

I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be mentally sound. But, I am and it’s only because God never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself.

This blog isn’t just about my story, it’s about yours too!

I Imagine You’re Carrying Things You’ve Never Said Out Loud:

• Depression that doesn’t lift
• Rejection that echoes through your relationships
• Bitterness that’s eating at your joy
• Trauma you’ve minimized just to survive
• And lies. So many lies.

Lies that tell you you’re too broken to be fixed. That healing is real, but not for you. That if you had just made different choices or spoken up sooner, maybe your life wouldn’t be this hard. Lies that say you’re unlovable, unworthy, too much, or somehow too far gone.

Let me tell you the truth: God is not afraid of your pain. He doesn’t run from your mess. He doesn’t flinch at your brokenness. He sits with you in it.

My turning point didn’t come all at once. I gave my life to Jesus at 12, but I didn’t fully understand what that meant. At 21, I gave my life to Him again⸺& that’s when everything shifted. I realized He wasn’t just a Savior; He was a Father with a plan. Through His Word, dreams, visions, and the power of the Holy Spirit, I began to see how He wanted to take my pain and turn it into purpose.

But here’s what no one tells you: stepping into your future while carrying the weight of your past is exhausting. I battled with self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and self-sabotage. I struggled to believe God called someone like me. I’ve learned that I can’t embrace the new life God has for me while clinging to what broke me.

You can’t heal in the same space you got sick!

Healing takes work. It takes renewing your mind, especially when trauma is still fresh. I needed therapy, deliverance, community, and Scripture and I still do. I’ve also needed to give God access. He won’t force you to be honest with Him. However, He will wait for you to be real⸺because He can’t heal what you won’t reveal.

I want you to know something:

When you feel like you can’t trust Him with your future because your past still hurts, remember this: either your pain is telling the truth or God is. I’ve learned⸺am still learning that I can scream, cry, and argue with Him, and He won’t leave. He always reminds me that through Him, I can.

I used to be afraid of vulnerability because people misused it, but God never has. He has only ever met my mess with mercy. When I gave Him the truth, He gave me grace. When I gave Him the wounds, He gave me healing.

This is a relationship, not a dictatorship.

So, if you’re in the thick of it right now⸺still bleeding, still questioning, still aching⸺don’t turn inward. Don’t run to the things that numb you but never heal you. Don’t self-medicate with people, substances, or distractions.

Run to God with everything you’ve got!

Even if all you can offer is tears or screams or silence⸺run. He’s the only One who can do something about the pain you’ve been carrying.